Have you ever felt like a bad Christian when you thought to yourself, why did God do that?
Even further, wow, I’m going through this terrible breakup, this loss of a loved one, this depression and anxiety, I’m sure you can fill in the blank, and then you think – I don’t want to follow a God that allows these things to happen.
Where is God in all of this dark and festering pain?
Hear from Manny Arango as he tells a story of a time he and his wife went through infertility and how their faith brought them through it.
What kind of God can’t keep a heart beating?
What kind of God can’t make sure that a baby stays alive in a womb? What kind of God is that? This is where we were at. Let me give you the context of how we got there.
Five years ago, my bride and I were dealing with infertility. After trying for so long, we finally got pregnant. However, at our ultrasound appointment, we found out that there was no heartbeat.
We were a mess, frustrated, disappointed and ultimately questioning God.
I remember coming home from the hospital, from that appointment, and talking to my pastor on the phone. He said to me, “Manny, you have to give God all this pain.” But I responded to him saying, “What kind of God can’t keep a heart beating? What kind of God can’t make sure that a baby stays alive in a womb? What kind of God is that? I don’t want to preach for that God. If that’s God, I want nothing to do with this God.”
I remember my pastor responding back to me with a bit of wisdom that has stuck with me to this very day. He said, “The fact that you have the audacity to even ask that question proves the depth of your relationship with Him.”
A lot of our faith is found in the wrestling and in the questions, not in a goal being accomplished.
The people we became through those five years of infertility caused us to stop fighting about why the pork chops were overcooked. Certain things became very petty. What infertility did for our marriage, it gave us a Goliath, it gave us a thing to fight so that we wouldn’t fight one another. It gave us something to team up on.
The journey of faith pleases the Lord.
Who we are now, as opposed to who we were when we first got married, we are totally different people. The Bible says, “And without faith, it is impossible to please God.” Sometimes we think that without faith it’s impossible to get a miracle or accomplish a breakthrough in our lives, but faith just pleases God.
When I had faith and it ended in miscarriage that faith pleased God – because faith pleases God.
Faith isn’t about a result, faith isn’t about a destination, faith isn’t about arriving at some mountain peak or some summit.
The journey of faith pleases the Lord.
When I went shopping at Target and I bought a crib, even though the doctors said that my sperm count was at the point where I would never have a kid, buying that crib pleased God.
Whether or not we ever brought a kid home from the hospital is irrelevant. My faith pleased God because faith is the only way that we actually relate to him. Our relationship with God is by grace, through faith. His grace to me and my faith in him. I don’t have faith for results, I have faith in God. I didn’t have faith in IVF, I had faith in God.
The need for community.
I know so many people who have lost their marriages because of infertility. They’ve lost everything because of just one thing, whatever that thing is for them. To me, I was like, “We’re not going to let this turn into collateral damage and destroy everything else in our life.”
If you’re going through something difficult and painful and there’s nothing, no one, no sounding board, no words of truth, no words of life, no hope, that’s the thing that’s so scary for so many people that are out in our world. We need people. We need community. People are walking through these dark valleys like, “Okay, let me just look it up on YouTube,” but there’s no relationship, there’s no friendship, there’s no community.
I had my pastor. For us to have that community is one of those behind the scenes pillars that we were able to hold on to. Community is what got us through this craziness.
Inspired by this devotional by Manny Arango? We have so much more for you. Download the Tome App today to access more of Manny’s content, plus hours of unfiltered video devotionals from other inspiring storytellers.